Feeling Down and Can't Place Why? It May Be This.

Sometimes we feel down and there’s no obvious discontentment like our career or our relationship. Sometimes we can experience an existential malaise like, “Why am I here? Is there more to life than this?” This could be from lacking a purpose, but the malaise could also be from a lack of self and soul nourishment.

Often, we can live on autopilot e.g., sleep, work, house and parenting duties, and not realize that we’re starved for more pleasure in our lives. What do I mean by “pleasure?” I mean anything that gives you a sense of satisfaction and connection. Possibly connection to others but also connection to ourselves.

In The Wild Woman’s Way, intimacy expert and counselor, Michaela Boehm, provides a lot of strategies to connect/reconnect us to ourselves through pleasure (the book is directed for women but the same can apply to men). Potentially, through this discovery, you can find your purpose if it’s missing.

Early in my coaching practice, I came up with the idea to create a joy list. I asked clients to share what brought them joy as a kid, as an adolescent, and as an adult. Not surprisingly, there were recurring themes throughout. If I sensed a client was disconnected from joy, or lacking pleasure in their life, I’d encourage them to start with one or two activities from their joy list per week.

This could be cooking, connecting with friends, or whatever else was on their list. If some things couldn’t be recreated from their list e.g., spend time with grandparents, then I’d ask if there was a similar thing or a creative alternative. If some clients had a hard time incorporating the activities into their week, then we’d make a plan and have them book the time.

The idea is to add more pleasure and fulfillment in their lives, which is a great thing on its own, but it also provides clients more meaning and purpose in their lives too. Some discovered what they wanted to do by reconnecting to their joy.

Pleasure can seem trivial to some but it’s not, it’s just as important as anything else in your life. The lack of pleasure can lead to depression, burnout, and other ailments.

What “feeds your soul?” If you don’t know, find out and feed it. You can start a joy list or start a list with your 5 senses in mind e.g., sight – bodies of water, sound – the piano, taste – cardamon, smell - bergamot, touch – petting my dog, and incorporate some of it daily or weekly.

You can also look at your habits. Do you love cooking but don’t do it often? If so, why not? If you have kids, ask them to help. If you like cooking alone, assign other things for them to do. You’re worthy to take the time to make a nice meal for yourself and for your family if you have one. Same goes for any other habit like exercise or reading. If you love it, find the time to do it. If you need to cancel Netflix or delete your social media apps on your phone, isn’t it worth it?

Adding more pleasure in your life creates a positive cascading effect on all areas of your life. It connects or reconnects you to your joy, your creativity, to yourself and to others. It can potentially connect or reconnect you to your purpose as well.

Best,

Ps. If you’re struggling with incorporating more joy and pleasure into your life, schedule a Get Acquainted & Strategy Session to explore this.